1 note
i am in charge//my journey to health
~ Monday, May 28 ~
Clearly I need a life-changing break-down-in-tears reality check from Jillian Michaels
I can’t figure out what’s holding me back. I know everything I need to know, but I don’t put any of it into motion. I make a million excuses….
And she would totally just cut to the heart of whatever this is and help me snap out of it.
meh :/
2 notes
~ Thursday, May 24 ~
$140,000
9 more classes. 9 more final exams. Until I finally have my Bachelor’s degree. And it will have taken me 10 years and $140,000 to finish it.
And thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.
I’m still just as confused as I was at 18. And all this time and money will have been spent on what can ultimately only be described as a “Plan B”. And if I’d spent $140,000 towards the life I really want (‘Plan A’)… I’d probably have it.
I’m not saying the degree isn’t worth it. I think Higher Ed is important - pivotal even. Not necessarily for career ambitions (though that is the primary benefit) but more so for personal growth and development and exploration of life. I am happy that I’m in school. I’m happy I have 9 more final exams. And I will be happy to walk across the stage a year from now, at the age of 28, and finally get that piece of paper.
But it’s really bittersweet. You hope, and try, to study something relevant to your life plans… but even with careful planning and strategic decisions, life’s path curves in mysterious, unpredictable ways, and at 18 - or 28 even - there’s no way to know what’s ‘relevant’ to your life plans.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but that doesn’t make it any easier to understand the reasons why certain things don’t happen. There’s a lot I don’t understand. A lot of answers I wish I had. I guess that’s what faith is really about. Answering the questions you can, and trusting that the answers you don’t have, or can’t find, aren’t meant to be found.
On one hand, if I was meant to be doing ‘Plan A’, I reckon I’d be doing it right now. On the other hand, the things we want in life don’t just happen because they’re meant to happen. Things don’t just appear out of thin air. If you’re meant to have a Maserati, for example, it doesn’t just show up in your driveway one morning. You work for it. You earn it. Fate is only as strong as our own persistence and drive. You have to set things in motion. And what did I set in motion for ‘Plan A’? Not much of anything…
I am the only thing standing between me and everything I want.
I have to remind myself to get out of my own way.
1 note
~ Tuesday, May 1 ~
A NYC Taxi driver wrote:
I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940’s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard
box filled with photos and glassware.
‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her.. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’
‘Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘Could you drive
through downtown?’
‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly..
‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice..’The doctor says I don’t have very long.’ I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
‘What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired.Let’s go now’.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse.
‘Nothing,’ I said
‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.
‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly.
‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life..
I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940’s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard
box filled with photos and glassware.
‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her.. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’
‘Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘Could you drive
through downtown?’
‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly..
‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice..’The doctor says I don’t have very long.’ I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
‘What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired.Let’s go now’.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse.
‘Nothing,’ I said
‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.
‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly.
‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life..
I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
2 notes
~ Saturday, April 28 ~
baby steps
bfast: 5 egg whites, 1 whole egg, 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup un-sweetened all natural gluten free oatmeal with flax and chia.
lunch: 1 cup broccoli, 4oz clean chicken breast, 1/2 cup brown rice
reminding myself that I’ve done this before, I can do it again, and that it’s just 21 days to create good habits & break bad ones.
The only thing standing between me and what I want, is me.
1 note
~ Friday, April 27 ~
Day 1 of No Sugar is almost done.
No sugar. No fruit. Nothing sweetened of any kind.
I’m doing this for 2 weeks. Then I’ll reintroduce some fruits (probably just berries and apples).
I have 1 week left of classes. Then I’m back to Nashville for 10 days, then I move on campus for my summer job. I’ll be preparing all my food for each week at home and keeping it on campus. I’m really looking forward to living on campus because I’ll be a 2 minute walk from the gym and one of the guys I’ll be working with this summer is built. He’s in the gym all the time and I already told him he’s required to drag my butt to the gym every time he goes.
I know everything I need to know about fitness and nutrition, I just have to DO it. So the first 2 weeks in the gym will be weights only and then I’ll be doing a lot of walking around campus and I’m going to get a bike. The next 3 weeks I’ll introduce moderate cardio (30 minutes max and not every day). I’ll see what kindof results I have at that point and increase my cardio if necessary.
I’ve fallen off track a million times. But my life the past 6 months has been nothing but bullshit and I’m over it.
Nothing comes before me anymore. Not the bf, not my sorority sisters, not my job… In the end, all I have is myself anyway so I might as well focus on being comfortable in my own skin.
3 notes
~ Monday, January 2 ~
Posts that have made me click the 
button
-
-
-
gettin’ slim without the gym | tone it up | full video here
